For years I fought with agoraphobia (the fear of leaving your house) and panic attacks. During that time I signed up for a writer's correspondence course because I could take writing classes without having to leave my house. After I finished an assignment, I would mail it to my instructor and start working on the next lesson.
One lesson had to do with writing a 500 word biography. I wrote just a bit about my phobia and the instructor asked me to write more about it. What I did was write about the funny side and the crazy things I did while trying to get out of my house and among people again.
After reading my story, the instructor asked if I would be willing to write a novel about what I had gone through, things that caused the phobia and any treatment that helped. I was excited about the project until I got to the part where I had to write about things that could have caused the phobia.
I grew up in a very loving family but they couldn't protect me from the world, although they tried. Nervous, insecure and the world's biggest crybaby, there were many things that people said and did that contributed to the phobia. Everyone goes through a lot of tough stuff in their life but most people deal with it in a constructive way. I didn't. I let it all get to me and I locked myself in my house and never wanted to leave.
So, did I want to tell the world about the things that people did to me when I was younger? No, I didn't. I want my writing to be something that people feel good about. I want them to read a story I've written and get joy out of it, not regrets.
I didn't write that story and I never will. I'm sure there are many other people out there in the writing world that have stories they will never put down on paper either. That's our choice and I feel it's the right one.
Our writers group is getting ready to start our novels and I'm very excited (and nervous) about our project. The novel I will write is meant to be fun and bring a smile to everyone who reads it.
Karen Sperra
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